File this under 'now I've seen everything.' With the big Santa Claus parades underway, it's officially Christmas shopping season. All the malls have put out their decorations and set up their Santa stations. Nothing new there. But Upper Canada Mall in Newmarket is doing something different this year. It's called the Santa FastPass.
According to its website, "By advance purchasing your Santa photos online, you will be able to bypass the regular line and gain access to our VIP line!" That's right, no more waiting in line with impatient, fussy kids. You can jump the queue and get those photos of Santa and head right off to do your shopping.I'm sure there's a few parents out there thinking, "Brilliant idea. Sign me up!" Well, shame on you. I know those Santa visits are a penance, but consider the message this Santa FastPass sends to your kids. It says, "Hey, I'm more important than you shmucks in the line-up. My folks got money, so we can jump the line and get to see Santa first!"
Let's call this what it is: a two-tier Santa system. One line for VIPs and one for everyone else. Don't be surprised to see the kids of Calgary Flames and Toronto Maple Leafs players using the Santa FastPass. After all, they are special cases.
Why stop at just jumping the line-up to see Santa? Perhaps the post office could introduce North Pole Rush Courier Service. "Get your wish list to Santa before everyone else!" Santa really needs a Twitter account; that would really speed things up. Say, why not make a deal with Old Saint Nick to have him deliver your children's gifts first on Christmas Eve? Perhaps a premium cookie manufacturer gets an exclusive contract to supply Santa with his gourmet treats. Only those kids who put out these premium cookies will get their presents first. The rest of the Oreo crowd can just wait their turn. Yes, the possibilities are endless.
In all seriousness, this Santa FastPass is the very antithesis of the Christmas spirit. It's a "me first" mentality cloaked in a "we're just trying to help busy parents" appeal. It reeks of elitism and would be right at home in a Dickens novel – for all the wrong reasons.
Am I surprised? No. The image of Santa has been exploited, dare I say prostituted, for decades now – ever since Coca Cola played with the legend in order to sell soft drinks. But for the most part, retailers have stayed somewhat true to the spirit of the legend. Santa is portrayed as a big-hearted man who likes to give presents; tools to Dad, beauty products for Mom, and toys for the kids. You name it and Santa will shill for it.
However, having Santa give preferential treatment to one group of kids over another one cuts against the grain. Santa is supposed to have only two criteria for kids and that's 'naughty' or 'nice' not 'more important' and 'less important.'
And yet, I almost want to encourage the malls and retailers to keep pushing the Santa envelope like this. Because the more they turn Santa into Donald Trump, the more likely it is we'll eventually see a backlash. People will reject this icon of consumerism and turn back instead to the man who the holiday (holy day!) the season is named after: a truly generous and loving man who treats all children (all people) equally special. A man who gives amazing gifts that don't require wrapping paper and batteries.
Best thing is, you can visit with this guy anytime you want. No lineups. No Fastpass needed. Even at Upper Canada Mall.
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