Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Sun November 22, 2009

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Ft. Hood shooter paralyzed, incontinent, reports Journal of the World's Tiniest Violin (abcnews.go.com)	(87)
		If you are receiving monthly insurance checks because you have claimed you are too depressed to work, it would be wise not to post pictures of yourself smiling in a bikini on the beach on Facebook (google.com)	(105)
(ABC27)		Radiation leak reported at Three Mile Island nuclear plant, no danger to public reported. No, this is not a repeat from 1979 (whtm.com)	(57)
		Fun-loving San Francisco cable car decides to give passengers an impromptu reminder of Newton's First Law of Motion (foxnews.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this flagrant foul (markshannon.com)	(29)
(Some Guy)		From The Article: He confessed saying he had snapped when he saw her shock at finding him masturbating while pulling on a scarf tied tight around his neck (croatiantimes.com)	(45)

Sat November 21, 2009

(News 1130)	You've shot yourself in the foot. Do you a) go to the hospital, b) call an ambulance, or c) try to handle it yourself, and die from loss of blood/shock? (news1130.com)	(110)
	Man attacked by assailants intent on stealing loaf of bread. It's a wonder he survived (signonsandiego.com)	(102)
	Progress: Story about cat stuck on top of utility pole has video. Fail: three minutes of cat's owner saying how smart her cat is, zero minutes of rescue. Adapt or die, newspapers (telegram.com)	(39)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this room under construction (rit.edu)	(63)
	Fili-busted (cnn.com)	(1485)
(Tribune-Review)	Pittsburgh plans to tax college students, wants them to pay fair share (pittsburghlive.com)	(180)
	Genetics anti-bias law takes effect today, forcing insurance companies, employers to use outward appearance to discriminate against you (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(92)
(Some slow moving Guy)	It's a boy: Zoo tortoise reveals mistaken identity after 50 years, so the zoo renamed the tortoise Terry formally known as Mary (content.usatoday.net)	(65)
(Some Guy)	Like some Farkers' dream girls, this suspect had nice melons and 800 pounds of pot. Unfortunately, that's where the similarities end (ocala.com)	(44)
	When schools remove chocolate milk from the cafeteria they are simultanously bombarded with student protests and expensive dairy industry media campaigns (latimes.com)	(97)
	Funny, subby's cold-as-a-fish ex-wife is also named Wendy. I hope this doesn't get greenlit (time.com)	(179)
(Oxford Mail Guy)	Not news: dark-skinned man illegally parks car in London. Still not news: it's a riced-out Honda. Fark: cops blow it up as a terrorist threat (oxfordmail.co.uk)	(111)
	Not-Christmas not-tree decorated with not-lights will sit on city common this generic holiday season (telegram.com)	(68)
	Rice paddy art. Sure it's a slide show, but if they can plan and plant this and erect a tower to view it from, surely you can manage to move your mouse (telegraph.co.uk)	(39)
(Some Guy)	University bars 30+ students from graduating due to their obesity. This headline would have been funnier, but I'm busy trying to explain to my parents why I won't be getting my degree in Communications (thedailybeast.com)	(151)
	School for the blind in Baghdad gets aid shipment. I SAID SCHOOL FOR THE BLIND IN BAGHDAD GETS AID SHIPMENT (cnn.com)	(55)
	Okay, NOW you can officially panic (upi.com)	(139)
	People shocked, SHOCKED, to discover that ads urging you to sell old jewellery for cash may not be as glittering as they seem (dailymail.co.uk)	(94)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these airborne angry abstracts (fwystudios.com)	(33)
(The Pulse)	One would think that packing heat in a bar is a recipe for disaster. Sadly, it took one of those crazy "activist judges" to finally use some common sense (chattanoogapulse.com)	(211)
	Duke of Northumberland, who owns Hogwarts, is not real Duke of Northumberland, alleges retired hockey player from New Zealand (telegraph.co.uk)	(26)
	Nearly 40% of all Americans ages 18 to 24 were enrolled in college this year, ensuring us a future of very well educated fast food workers and Walmart clerks (fe17.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com)	(167)
(Reading Eagle)	If you stole someone's five-foot good luck distelfink, the Pennsylvania Dutch would like to speak to you, and remind you that stealing good luck symbols is bad luck (readingeagle.com)	(27)
	Semi-nude Victoria's Secret fashion models reveal untold talents and you've already clicked the link, haven't you? Have I told you about my mother lately? No, she's doing fine, just making cheesecake and some muffins this morning (abcnews.go.com)	(192)
	If police are kind enough to place your bank robbery note in front of you, you might as well eat it. Claim is was bad poetry later (with dashcam munching video) (ohio.com)	(35)
	Burka Barbie (dailymail.co.uk)	(66)
(Some Guy)	The US Postal Service agrees to allow Santa's enslaved work force to continue to receive his mail (newsminer.com)	(36)
(Intelligencer)	General Washington and Continental Army worry that park closure may disrupt secret plan to cross Delaware, surprise Hessians at Trenton (phillyburbs.com)	(26)
(asylum.com)	Certain letters burn out on Elmhurst Hospital sign to create second sign full of win (asylum.com)	(89)
	Two-year-old Shyla, a cat-loving chihuahua, decided to start nursing seven abandoned kittens, just in time for Caturday (stuff.co.nz)	(944)
	Man arrested at airport with 15 live lizards strapped to chest. Custom agents became suspicious after hearing voices with Cockney accents offering a savings of 15% on car insurance (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)	There isn't a facepalm big enough: couple claims Michael Jackson is appearing in their child's ultrasound. "It is my seventh child, and seven is a mythical number." (shieldsgazette.com)	(84)
	♫ I took a little souvenir-o of a man / Stole a tooth, stole a tooth, fingers and a ver-te-bra / Hidden out of sight, but now they'll see the light again / GALILEO galileo GALILEO galileo Galileo Figaro / Magnificoooooo ♫ (google.com)	(42)
	Man offers to pay kid to spit in his face, gets arrested. In related news, "annoying a child" is a crime. Don't anyone tell subby's teenager (vcstar.com)	(22)
	Police To Man: Why did you crash into this building? Man: Because the FBI have a mind-reading device in there, of course. Police: This isn't an FBI building (wcco.com)	(37)
	Photoshop these spotted sea squirts (photography.nationalgeographic.com)	(29)
(Limerick Leader)	100ft Christmas Tree crashes into bridge, makes its presents felt (limerickleader.ie)	(79)